Loneliness

I can’t remember a time that I felt more alone and lonely that I do at this minute. It is Superbowl Sunday and I am home by myself. I don’t really understand how I’ve gotten here. Recently, I just haven’t felt comfortable in my own skin. I’ve been faking happiness I’m trying to be optimistic for too long. I feel like I have no one –  no one to talk to, no one to sit by and just be me. Until today when I got home from lunch, I didn’t realize how sad I actually have become. I long for relationships with people, men specifically, that want nothing to do with me. And I’ve been trying to make them want me for so long that I’ve forgotten Who I am and what I want for myself. Its a stupid situation to put yourself in. And my friends, what friends? I don’t even know who they are anymore. I don’t even know if I have any anymore. There was a time when I was happy. I had friends. I had my family. And I was content with where I was. There’s a famous quote  that says in order for others to want you you have to want yourself. I don’t think I do right now. I don’t know the last time that I did. I have no one to talk to, maybe that’s why I started writing this blog. Not that anyone out there actually reads it. Maybe it just feels like it helps me get it out there, out of my head, off of my shoulders. Anyways, that’s just how I’m feeling today. It’ll get better I know that – I won’t be alone forever, or at least won’t feel this way.

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